I Have Returned!!!

Originally posted October 11, 2011


So it's only been about 2 years, 4 months since I posted on this baby, and since I was devoting almost all the posts back then to UFC stuff, I figure why not get back into the swing of things with that very same subject (that's what about 92.4% of my waking thoughts revolve around anyway).

In the picture above, you can see UFC lightweight Champ Frankie Edgar walking away victorious from barely conscious rival (and epic D-Bag) Gray Maynard. This was the conclusion to a mostly epic trilogy which included a win for each man, and a draw.

What the picture doesn't convey is exactly how much of a BA Mr. Edgar is. If only the UFC PR machine could stop massaging Jon Jones' nether region with baby oil long enough to market this Lion Hearted mini-monster properly.

Where was I? Oh yeah, so Edgar and Maynard threw down back in January of this year (their first bout was a fairly boring affair in which Maynard took Edgar down and held him there for three consecutive rounds a few years back. Let's ignore that.). In an epic of mythic proportions, Maynard put a savage beating on Frankie in the first round, nearly putting him to sleep and prompting many keyboard warrior's to whine and moan about how the fight should have been stopped. It wasn't and Edgar (who I will now refer to as Lincoln Hawk, unless I forget, in which case I will refer to him as Frankie, Edgar, or Frankie Edgar) went on to mount a big comeback, winning a few rounds and the fight was judged a draw, which I agreed with.

This final battle started out in almost the same fashion, with Lincoln again taking a beatdown from Maynard (who I will now refer to as Biff Tannen, even though he's not nearly awesome enough to be referenced as a character from the greatest time-travel movie of all time) in the first round, only to recover and start winning rounds. This time around Lincoln Hawk managed to finish off an iron jawed Biff in exhilarating fashion, knocking his fool ass out in the fourth round and, in the process, wresting the title of "god of mma title fight comebacks" out of Matt Hughes cold dead fingers. OK, Matt's not dead but his career might as well be. Zing!

Anyway, I was a big fan of Edgar/Lincoln/My Dream Man (not in a gay way) since before he beat BJ Effing Penn TWICE, and absorbed a near comical amount of punishment from Gray/Biff TWICE only to recover and stage big comebacks. At this point I'm pretty sure if he started a cult, I'd be driving to Jersey tonight to sign up. I can only hope my first act as a member of his congregation would be to hunt down and slit the throats of Snooki, the Situation and all of the other jizzrags on Jersey Shore (which I've never seen, but won't stop hating), because I have to believe he thinks they are an embarrassment to New Jersey. I HAVE TO.

Back to reality (briefly), I find myself highly annoyed, but unsurprised, that this incredible performance was not reported on Sportscenter or any of the ESPN sports-writer's-talking-over-each-other shows. Likely because (I kid you not) Baseball playoffs are going on. Yeah, Baseball. WHO CARES??!! I know like 3 people who like Baseball and one of them is my Dad and another is my brother. I hate the world I live in!!!! A world where something as boring as Baseball gets hours of coverage, but Lincoln Hawks performance on Saturday is ignored! This is a fucking catastrophe! I hate you Micheal Wilbon!